Her Boyfriend Lied To Her About Not Wanting Kids, So Now He Expects Her To Stick It Out With Him While He Spends The Next Year Figuring It Out
Well, it turns out that for years, this 36-year-old woman’s 37-year-old boyfriend has been lying to her about not wanting to have kids.
They’ve actually been friends for the longest time and began dating back in 2019 after 13 solid years of friendship.
They spent the next three years together before breaking up, as they each had things they had to work through. A year ago, they resumed their relationship.
“Well, this past year has been going so well with us, and I thought there were hints being dropped that an engagement could be around the corner (conversations about how much I think is appropriate to spend on an engagement ring, etc.),” she explained.
“So, up until last weekend, I thought we were both on the same page about spending our lives together. Last weekend, the topic of marriage came up, and he told me that, just FYI, he’s definitely not ready to think about marriage yet. I was stunned and pretty heartbroken the next couple of days. I asked him how long he thought it may be before he’s ready, and he said he couldn’t put a time limit on it but maybe a year.”
They discussed things further, and her boyfriend admitted to her he’s on the fence about remaining child-free.
He’s not sure that he can live with not having the opportunity to be a dad, and he would like her to stick with him while he takes the next year to figure it out.
Even at the end of that time period, she knows there is no guarantee that her boyfriend will have the whole kids thing figured out.
She feels blindsided, as she thought her boyfriend wanted to be child-free, as he’s spent years telling her that. Turns out he lied.
selenit – stock.adobe.com – illustrative purposes only, not the actual person
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“I’ve asked him many times throughout our relationship if he’s sure he’s ok with not having kids, and he’s always given me the same “answer,” which is “I could take it or leave it,” she said.
“So now I know that he’s been hiding this for years. But the thing that really bothers me is that he treated me like I was overreacting and that I should be willing to stay with him while he figures it out for sure. He says he’s “leaning in the direction of being ok with it” and “sees his future with me.”
She’s been certain about not wanting kids throughout her whole life. Every single person who knows her is aware of her position on kids.
Any time she dated a new guy, she would tell them within the first few weeks of being serious that she wasn’t into kids. She never kept that a secret from anyone.
Yesterday evening, she told her boyfriend she would allow him the next two months to figure things out.
He got mad at her and said she was dishing out an ultimatum and that it wasn’t enough time for him to know.
“Then I realized I can’t even wait around for 2 months for someone to make up their mind about me, as I’d just be angry and push him away the whole time,” she continued.
“It ended with him saying that he made up his mind and realizes he can live without kids but doesn’t want to live without me. I think he said that to shut me up.”
“We have been talking about couples’ counseling for a few months anyway; is this something I should even bother addressing? Because right now, it just feels like it’s better to end it because he sounds so unsure. Am I overreacting?”
You can read the original post on Reddit here.
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