New Poll Shows Many Parents Worry About Their Kids' Friendships–How to Help Without Overstepping
Let's discuss first friends and red flags related to social isolation.Fact checked by Sarah ScottFact checked by Sarah ScottThere’s a special kind of pain parents feel when a child comes home from school and says they ate lunch alone, or didn’t have anyone to play with on the playground. As a mom of five, I’ve experienced this heartache on many occasions, which is why a new poll about kids and their friends really caught my attention.According to the National Poll on Children’s Health, conducted by C.S. Mott Children’s Hospital at University of Michigan Health, one in five parents say their child has no friends, or not enough.Ninety percent report that their child would like to make new friends—and three in four parents have stepped in to help their child connect with peers by arranging playdates, signing their kids up for new activities, allowing them to use social media to forge new relationships, or even purchasing items to help their child fit in.Two in three parents say it’s important their child makes friends with kids from similar families to their own—be it religiously, politically, or socioeconomically—which could be a potential hurdle to realizing new connections.Meanwhile, 21% of those surveyed say their child is shy or socially awkward, making it difficult for them to make friends. Limited time, established friend groups—cited mostly by parents of older kids—other kids being mean, and a child’s disability or medical challenge were also cited as reasons for kids not making friends.At a time when young people feeling isolated socially can be extremely concerning, we turned to experts for tips on helping kids—and their parents—navigate first friendships.
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How Parents Can Help Their Kids Make FriendsAs the poll indicates, parents sometimes feel the need to facilitate the friends-making process for their kids. But that's easier said than done, according to Becca Wallace, PsyD,, clinical pediatric psychologist at Children’s Hospital New Orleans.“Friendships and the ways kids connect nowadays are very different than when current adults were kids,” she tells Parents. Indeed, a few decades ago, families knew one other more personally. "But with the rise of technology, many parents don’t interact with their kids’ peers or their parents. Our children’s social circles [extend beyond] the neighborhood or school."So, what can parents do to foster connection and stay involved in kids’ social lives? Brook Choulet, MD, a board-certified psychiatrist at Choulet Performance Psychiatry, recommends setting kids up for success by enrolling them in structured activities, be it sports or creative arts.“Sharing common interests with peers may make it easier to establish friendships,” she says, adding that any opportunity to encourage social interaction is helpful.Still, Dr. Choulet advocates for a hands-off approach to some degree when it comes to overseeing a child’s socialization—when age appropriate. She acknowledges it’s tempting to want to navigate all variables of our kids’ lives.“However, it's important to give them tools to manage friendships to the best of their ability,” she acknowledges. Allowing kids to make their own connections while teaching them to foster kindness are crucial life skills.For Stacy Thiry, a licensed mental health counselor at Grow Therapy, guiding kids socially, while not being overbearing, involves employing a number of strategies:Model healthy friendships: “Children learn by observing how we interact with our own friends,” Thiry says. If we prioritize relationships that bring joy and support, our kids will too!Teach emotional resilience: Friendships changing or ending is a normal part of life. “Encourage kids to talk about how they feel when these transitions happen, and remind them that losing a friend doesn’t reflect their worth,” Thiry advises. Avoid preconceptions: As parents, it’s easy to project our own preferences or biases onto our kids when it comes to who they should befriend. But, Thiry says, “Some of the most enriching friendships come from people who are different from us.” Finally, Rachael Jones, LMFT, a licensed marriage and family therapist based in Illinois, encourages parents to be sure that any sense of social anxiety is actually coming from the child, and not the parent.“If their kiddo doesn't seem upset or concerned about their social situation, then I work with parents to manage their own concerns, feelings, and anxiety so that they don't project on kiddo,” she says. Fostering Communication Without Over-managementWhile letting kids take the reins when it comes to their own friendships is key, it’s still vitally important to monitor their relationships.The first step is creating a non-judgmental environment that invites open communication and encourages your child to share their questions and concerns about their friendships with you, according to Dr. Choulet. For kids who are resistant to opening up, Thiry recommends asking open-ended questions such as, “What challenges are you facing in your friendships?"Jones offers, "Has your friend ever said or done anything that made you feel unsafe or uncomfortable?" Sharing your own experiences can also open the door to deeper conversations that can form bonds. Dr. Wallace encourages parents to accept their child having just one or two close, quality friendships.“Everyone has their own social battery and amount of friends that is right for them,” she says. “Just because parents might be social and outgoing with a large friend group, does not mean their child will be.”When it comes to relationships formed on social media, Dr. Choulet says, “It's essential to provide a lot of education around online safety and how to set clear boundaries.”“Remind them that not everything—or everyone—online is as it seems, and that it’s OK to step away from any interaction that feels uncomfortable,” Thiry adds, emphasizing the importance of not sharing personal information online. Signs That Professional Help May Be NecessaryIf you do notice that your child seems depressed, socially isolated, or stops enjoying their favorite activities, it may be time to seek professional help, according to Dr. Choulet.“If there are any sudden changes in behavior, like increased irritability, sadness, or worry, these can be signs of mental health challenges,” she says, adding that negative self-talk, verbalizing feelings of worthlessness, self-doubt, and poor self-image are also signs parents should watch for.Dr. Wallace points to anxiety and social avoidance as additional red flags.“Not every child will tell you when they’re feeling lonely or left out, so it’s crucial to be aware of the subtle signs that something is wrong.” For more Parents news, make sure to sign up for our newsletter! Read the original article on Parents.
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