Signs of Sex Addiction to Recognize
Medically reviewed by Aleesha Grier, PsyDMedically reviewed by Aleesha Grier, PsyDSex addiction can have real consequences for relationships, including infidelity, lying, and associated problems related to intimacy and trust. If you’re wondering about sex addiction in someone else, you may already have intuitive feelings that something is wrong. You may have noticed they’re mentally checked out of your relationship, spending excessive time alone, returning home later than usual, or frequently making excuses to go out alone.
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Related: Signs of a Behavioral Addiction
Signs of Sex Addiction in PartnersOne telltale sign is a lack of control over sexual urges and behaviors despite negative consequences. Other signs of sex addiction in partners may include:Excessive time spent on sexual fantasies and urgesExcessive time spent on planning for or engaging in sexual activityRepetitively using sexual activities to cope with negative feelings or stressful life eventsRepeated unsuccessful attempts to reduce or stop urges and behaviors Repeatedly engaging in sexual activity with no regard for how it physically or emotionally harms othersSignificant distress or impairment related to the frequency and intensity of these urges, fantasies, behaviorsEmotional unavailability and disconnection
TakeawayBear in mind that sex addiction is a contested concept in some therapeutic communities, seen as stigmatizing and lacking in sufficient evidence. Sex addiction is also not an official diagnosis and, therefore, doesn't have set symptoms listed in the Diagnostic and Statistical Manual of Mental Disorders (DSM-5).
Several other conditions may have overlapping signs of sex addiction, which can make it challenging to determine if your partner is experiencing a sex addiction or a condition associated with hypersexuality. Conditions that commonly occur with sex addiction:Substance use disorderAttention deficit hyperactivity disorder (ADHD)Bipolar disorder Obsessive-compulsive disorder (OCD)Personality disordersAnxiety disordersBehavioral addictions like substance use disorders or gambling addiction
Related: Hypersexuality: What Causes It and How To Get Help
Effects of Someone Else’s Sex AddictionSex addiction hurts the person experiencing these uncontrollable urges, fantasies, and behaviors—but can also have real consequences for partners, too.A partner living with someone who has a sexual addiction may experience effects that can be hidden but severe and include:Reduced or diminished intimacyFeeling used or objectifiedAttachment and trust issues (i.e., insecure attachment)Feelings of despair and hopelessnessConfusion, anger, sadness, anxietyShame-based isolation from friends and familyA lack of controlSocial and work consequences Trauma and symptoms of post-traumatic stress disorder (PTSD)Reinforcing self-limiting beliefs like “I am not a worthwhile person”Potential exposure to sexually transmitted infections (STIs)Appetite changes (eating more or less than usual)Physical stress symptoms, including headache and jaw pain
Related: Understanding Relationship Trauma
Do I Show Signs of Sex Addiction?If looking at signs of sex addiction has you wondering if you’re hypersexual or if it’s just hormones, here are a few things to consider while self-reflecting.Research has found that about 8% of individuals experience sexual compulsions meeting the criteria for addiction. Having sexual urges and fantasies, engaging in sexual activity, cybersex, watching pornography, having multiple partners, and regularly masturbating doesn’t mean you’re a sex addict.When sexual urges, thoughts, and behaviors become uncontrollable, persist most of the day, and interfere with daily tasks and relationships, it may indicate a sex addiction. If you’re looking for more clarity, you can complete a free self-assessment provided by Sexual Addictions Anonymous to determine if you fit their criteria for someone experiencing a sexual addiction.
TakeawayIf you or a loved one are struggling with substance use or addiction, contact the Substance Abuse and Mental Health Services Administration (SAMHSA) National Helpline at 1-800-662-4357 for information on support and treatment facilities in your area.
Related: ADHD and Hypersexuality in Relationships
What Is the Root of Sex Addiction?Experts suggest the following can all contribute to sex addiction:Biology and neurology differences in brain areas related to memory and decision-makingTrauma and abuse, including emotional, physical, and sexualFamily dynamics/attachment traumas, especially in early childhood
Do Men Experience Sex Addiction More? Sex and gender may play some role in who experiences sex addiction, but more research is needed. Research has shown a higher number of men compared to women have sex addiction or compulsive sexual behaviors (and that’s the commonly held belief). One review of research found insignificant differences between rates of sex addiction in men and women.
Related: Porn Addiction Signs
How to Handle Sex Addiction in RelationshipsSex addiction takes a toll on both people in the relationship. Experts say handling sex addiction in a relationship is best done with a three-stool approach:The therapist of the person living with sex addictionPartner’s therapistCouples therapistThis way, both partners learn coping tools and gain a deeper understanding of sex addiction, and the couple learns strategies and how to move forward with their collective treatment goals.
Related: Hypersexuality: What Causes It and How To Get Help
When to Seek Professional Sex Addiction HelpIt's never too early to seek professional help. If you're looking for resources online, it's a good sign you may want to reach out for additional support.Professionals who can help include:Licensed mental health counselor (LMHC)Licensed professional counselor (LPC)Licensed social worker (LSW)Licensed marriage and family therapist (LMFT)A professional with a Master of Science in Nursing (MSN)Nurse practitioner (NP)Licensed psychologist (PsyD/PhD) You can also work with sex therapists who have a master's or doctorate, along with specific sex therapy training and licensure through the American Association of Sexuality Educators, Counselors, and Therapists.Online and in-person support groups like the Sex Addicts Anonymous are also available.
Related: What Is Mental Health Counseling?
Treatment Options for Sex AddictionSex addiction will likely not get better on its own. Treatment options for sex addiction include:Treating or managing any underlying conditions contributing to or causing sex addiction (substance use disorder, ADHD, bipolar disorder)Learning to manage hypersexual urges with tools like mindfulness Group therapy 12-Step support group for sex addictsCognitive behavioral therapy (CBT)Couples therapyIn-patient treatment There’s no medication for treating sex addiction. Prescriptions for underlying conditions may be included in the treatment plan.
Related: Relationship Between Bipolar and ADHD
Sex During Sex Addiction TreatmentCelibacy agreements are part of many treatment plans. This may include celibacy from real-life sex, masturbation, pornography, or other obsessions.Duration of time without sex (abstinence) when in sex addiction treatment has been associated with sustained recovery.
Related: Sex Addiction: How to Overcome Compulsions
SummarySex addiction is an unofficial addiction that has serious effects on relationships. Sex addiction signs include repeated sexual urges, fantasies, and behaviors despite consequences to self or others. Treatment includes seeking professional help and support for the person experiencing sex addiction, their partner, and the couple as well. Read the original article on Verywell Health.
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