Are You a Dusty Dad or a Dope Dad? Viral Video Explains the Difference
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Dad Eric Taylor shares why heterosexual couples with kids need to work as a team.
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Fact checked by Sarah ScottFact checked by Sarah ScottInstagram creator Eric Taylor is a “dope dad.” That’s not to be confused with what he calls a “dusty dad,” which is the polar opposite.If you’ve never heard of the “dusty” reference, it’s a term that has been floating around social media for a while now. Whether it’s discussing “dusty sons,” and now “dusty dads,” it’s clear it’s not considered a good thing. In a recent viral Instagram reel, Taylor was kind enough to act out the differences between a dope and dusty dad, specifically when it comes to what happens when each type gets home from work.The contrast is stark and hilarious. View this post on Instagram A post shared by Eric Taylor - Parenting & Marriage (@dopedad_e)
Dusty dad walks in and immediately demands dinner, shouting “What do you mean it’s not ready?!” Dope dad heads for the kitchen, ready to “whip it up” himself. Dusty dad drops his shoes and jacket right onto the clean floor. Dope dad puts everything away neatly, almost as if he also has a shared interest in the house staying tidy. Dusty dad blows off the kids so he can get a little alone time (fiddling with his phone on the toilet). Dope dad wraps them in a big hug and lets them know how happy he is to be home.Taylor captioned the video, which has over 2.5 million views: “Family and home are team sports! Everybody contributes, everybody works, everybody loves.”In other words? It’s 2024, and we’re not here for dads dragging their feet at home and with the kids anymore, no matter how busy and tired they are. Taylor’s helping to raise the bar and inspire a better generation of men—not to mention give us a few laughs along the way.Inequity at Home Still ExistsWhile the response to the video was largely positive, many commenters took issue with the premise of the skit. “If you’re doing all this and your wife doesn’t work, what does she do all day?” one commenter wrote, reminding everyone that taking care of the house and kids all day long still isn’t viewed as real work by a lot of people.So, clearly, inequity in households remains a problem, even in 2024.Marriage and family therapist Rachel Goldberg, MS, MFT, founder of Rachel Goldberg Therapy Studio, says many couples make an effort to achieve better balance—really, they do—but changes don’t always stick because the idea that women should take care of the housework is so deeply ingrained in both parties. A Gallup poll confirms women in heterosexual relationships are still taking on majority of household responsibilities, such as laundry, cleaning the house, and preparing meals.“Women often end up taking care of tasks they know their husbands will procrastinate on or not execute well,” says Goldberg. “This leads to a cycle where, despite good intentions from both parties, they fall back into old patterns.”Plus, many dads have highly demanding jobs outside of the home, which means they don’t have a lot of time and energy left when they walk back through the door. But, a lot of moms have demanding jobs, too, and it’s never been an excuse for them. So, how can we all come together and figure this out? How can we break the cycle?How Working Dads Can Do Better (Or Be More Dope)Communication is key, says Goldberg. Dad, or whichever parent is working outside of the house, should be honest and realistic about how much time they can contribute to certain tasks before and after work. That can help parents work together to prioritize what tasks might be most helpful.It’s also important for both parties to be flexible. Work demands and schedules can change, and so can the needs of the kids and the household. Parents have to keep talking to each other regularly about how things are getting done and where slack needs to be picked up.But as Taylor’s video shows, the most important tip for the next generation of dads who want to do better at home is to change their mindset. (Remember: dope, not dusty!) In one comment, Taylor wrote about domestic tasks, “It’s not all dad's job, it’s also not all mom's job. It’s a team effort.”The video reminded me of how my wife and I constantly talk about not keeping score. She doesn’t “owe me” for doing the dishes and I don’t owe her for going to pick up the kids. When we stop trying to go tit-for-tat and just focus on getting things done as a team and picking each other up, we’re so much happier.The fact is that being a stay-at-home parent is hard. Being a working parent is hard. Being somewhere in the middle is hard. The old dividing lines—where one parent makes the money and the other takes care of the home and kids—just don’t work anymore.And it’s OK to not be perfect, as long as we’re trying to improve and support our partner and kids the best we can. At least, that’s the boring way of saying it. Taylor put it better when he replied to a commenter who admitted seeing himself in both types of dad.“We aren’t always dusty or always dope,” Taylor says. “Long as we’re leaning towards the dope game.” For more Parents news, make sure to sign up for our newsletter! Read the original article on Parents.
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