'Let 'Em In'–Ayo Edebiri Thinks Kids Should Be Allowed in Fine Dining Restaurants
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The award-winning actor has a good point, but there is some nuance involved.
Getty/Gilbert Flores
Fact checked by Sarah ScottFact checked by Sarah ScottWhen our twins were born in 2018, my husband and I vowed to keep dining out—albeit with our kids in tow. And for the first year-plus of our kids' lives, we took them to restaurants pretty much every weekend (after they received their two-month vaccines). We never regretted a meal out as a family, even though we may have been a bit of a spectacle with our massive double stroller. I distinctly remember a brunch we enjoyed when the twins were 15 months old: They sat on our laps, noshing away, smiling at fellow diners, and waving to our waitress. I remember thinking, "We’ve got this. We’ll just keep taking them to restaurants and they’ll always know how to act, thanks to sheer exposure.”The pandemic hit just a week later, causing us to avoid restaurants for over a year. When we did slowly resume our dining out habits, our kids were fully mobile, which meant the experience was definitely harder on us as restaurant attendees than it had been before.While I certainly have my share of moments when I ask myself, “Why did I think this was a good idea?" I still really enjoy taking our kids to restaurants. I think it’s a fun way to bond as a family, while having our kids practice important life skills. So, when I saw a take from The Bear star Ayo Edebiri about normalizing kids in fine dining restaurants, I found myself agreeing–at least mostly. Ayo Edebiri's Take on Fine Dining Rules and KidsWhen the cast of The Bear was asked, in a recent interview, to name a fine dining rule they can’t get behind, Edebiri shared thoughts around the no kids allowed rule.“One [fine dining rule] that I think is very popular in America but I think outside of America is not really a thing is no kids in restaurants," she says. "I’m just kind of like ‘let ‘em in’...Maybe not all the time, but it’s like, how else are they going to learn?”
Edebiri adds that in places like Europe, it’s much more common to see kids eating out with their families and enjoying food that isn’t necessarily what we’ve deemed “kid-friendly” in the US—and she has a point. While on a trip in France with our kids (4-years-old at the time) last year, it was impossible to not notice how different the attitudes were towards kids in restaurants. Our kids were clearly welcomed everywhere we went, and I think they really absorbed that energy.Our hotel’s concierge even scored us a late reservation at a nice restaurant, where we all attended as a family. Our kids had a wonderful time getting dressed up, trying new foods, and being treated with such kindness and respect by the restaurant’s staff and fellow guests.Rethinking 'Kid-Friendly' SpacesAmerica has very much adopted the idea that kids belong only in kid-friendly spaces. As a result, parents have gotten the message that they can't fully enjoy the experiences they do unless their kids aren't present.When I hear fellow parents say they haven’t set foot in a restaurant since welcoming their kids–sometimes over a number of years–I get it. I understand that sometimes, it simply doesn’t feel worth the effort or expense when you can’t fully relax. And there is value in doing some things without kids. But I also wonder if we're making it more stressful than it needs to be.As Edebiri points out, kids in other cultures are welcome in public spaces like restaurants. As a result, they’re comfortable in a range of environments, and so are their parents. Personally, I credit my own family-centric approach to parenting to my upbringing as a child of Indian immigrants, who raised me with a mixed set of cultural norms.When it comes to rethinking and expanding kid-friendly spaces, I believe it all starts with offering grace to families. We’ve idealized other countries' norms, especially those of European countries, highlighting that no one uses screens at the table, the kids seem to stay put, and they don't exhibit signs of picky eating. In my experience, though, that’s not the whole story. Kids are still kids, which means regardless of where they live, they are developmentally different from adults, with different physical needs and social-emotional behaviors.Parents in other cultures don’t fit our idealized perception either (yes, I spotted locals scrolling their phones at dining tables too while on our trip to France!). The difference comes down to ideas and expectations, at least as I see it. Interest in fine dining overseas in general is increasing, as well. According to a 2020 study, culinary travelers' main reason for tourism is fine (or haute) dining, with interest on pace to grow even more by 2030. In addition, the same report states that the range of fine dining menu prices are expected to expand for different income levels–which opens the door for more families to dine together.Allowances with Nuance Makes Everyone Less UptightWe need to allow kids to exist in public spaces—like airplanes and museums and grocery stores and yes, fine dining restaurants. We need to accept that sometimes they may be a little bit messy or noisy or squirmy—because guess what–adults can be all those things too.In America, we judge families with kids who are active in public places…but we also judge those whose children are quietly entertaining themselves with an iPad. And if you’re having a day when your children sit calmly and eat their food? Well, then you’ll probably be accused of robbing them of their childhood by expecting them to do something that’s not “kid-friendly” (yes, I’ve heard this before).At the end of the day, not every family values or enjoys the restaurant experience the way my family does, and that's okay. But like Edebiri, I don’t think the concept of children in restaurants needs to be this taboo thing.Of course, there’s nuance needed here: Taking a toddler to an extremely fancy restaurant is probably not a great call. In my experience, it was actually much easier to dine out with my kids when they were babies, as opposed to toddlers. You also shouldn't just let kids run around the place with impunity, for obvious safety reasons.But if your family is up to it (and you’re game to supervise and potentially clean up after your kid if things go awry), it shouldn't be so frowned upon to dine out with kids. And to the people who say they go out to eat specifically to get away from kids: You certainly aren’t expected to take responsibility for or entertain other people’s kids—but you’re also not entitled to a child-free world. For more Parents news, make sure to sign up for our newsletter! Read the original article on Parents.
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