How Young Is Too Young to Firmly Discipline a Child? TikTok Parents Weigh In
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Two parents have gone viral for the way they discipline their young kids.
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Fact checked by Sarah ScottFact checked by Sarah ScottParents are confronted with an array of expectations when it comes down to communicating with their children, especially when it relates to discipline. It’s needless to say that most parents try to be balanced in their discipline. There’s so much information to take in and judgment on different parenting styles. Is gentle parenting the way to go or should we all be authoritative parents? Plus, what language should we use to discipline our kids? Various videos of parents showing their discipline methods have gone viral on social media. Two recent ones in particular show parents disciplining their kids of different ages for different reasons, but both remain firm and use language that viewers are criticizing for being too mature. Is this the way to go? What These Viral Parenting Videos on Discipline ShowOne dad took to TikTok to demonstrate his version of disciplining his 9-year-old daughter. In the video, he threatens to take her out of gymnastics while making her run to the park and do push-ups. His daughter is visibly upset but the dad’s tone remains calm and firm.He explains to her that she’s been acting “arrogant” with an “attitude” and that her grades have been slipping. He continues to say that until her attitude changes, they’ll wake up early every morning to exercise with the goal of developing her body, mind, and character.Actually, if you listen to the father’s words, it’s full of encouragement. He is clear and measured with what he is saying. He gives her praise and lets her know she’s talented but also stands his ground on relaying that a good attitude and being a good person come above everything else.But the video—which has gathered over 3M views and almost 500K likes—has attracted a mix of praise and criticism. On one hand, some parents say he’s being too harsh and should consider that his daughter may be hormonal or have underlying issues at school. On the other hand, many parents agree that this type of discipline is absolutely necessary and his daughter will be grateful for it later in life. @originalkushism My daughter’s attitude has been changing, grades been slipping, and she’s becoming arrogant. So I had to stand on business 🦶🏻💼 ♬ original sound - Kushism In another video posted to TikTok, Kendra Worth’s 1-year-old daughter can be seen standing on the kitchen countertop and crying because she doesn’t want to sit down as her mom instructed.“I always state the consequences as I’m repeating the direction if she didn’t listen the first time,” Worth notes. “Then I follow through with the stated consequence. I also explain why she can’t do something (ie it’s not safe).”When her daughter tries to test boundaries and displays more anger, Worth once again gives clear reasons why she can’t have/do something and reiterates the consequences.Some people in the comments criticized her technique for being too time-consuming and for talking to a 1-year-old in a way she likely won’t understand. Others said her method provides clear instructions and boundaries while praising the mom for keeping herself regulated throughout the exchange. @kendraworth Discipline should start way earlier on than many parents realize and most experts say it should begin around when a baby starts to crawl. No matter how verbal your 1 YO old is, they understand a TON (as long as they’re typically developing) and are very capable of following directions and learning boundaries. My second daughter is much more spirited and prone to tantrums than my frist, but the same techniques have worked on both of them. My kids HAVE to follow our safety rules and there are consequences if they don’t. It’s a lot of fromtloading and hardwork at this age, but then life is so much easier and more fun as they get older because you can trust them to follow directions and stay safe 💗 #childdevelopment #discipline #parentingcoach #viral #xyzabc #baby #toddler #toddlertantrums #tantrum #toddlerlife #toddlertok #18months #babygirl #momtok #momsoftiktok #gentleparenting #strictparents Wholesome mom content Parenting tips Babies and toddlers Baby hacks and tips ♬ original sound - Kendra Balancing Discipline With EmpathyBoth these parents talk to their children with clarity and explain the reason for the disciplining. At the same time, these parents are using language and approaches that may seem too advanced for their kids’ ages. Can that be effective or are the kids simply too young?“The use of mature language and rigid strategies may be effective at times in immediately correcting the unwanted behavior at hand,” says Nilou Esmaeilpour, Registered Clinical Counselor and Founder of the Canada-based Lotus Therapy. “It might also mean that children will be aware their actions come with consequences and make them apprehend the seriousness of their actions.”But focusing on the language used really matters. Being too harsh can be counterproductive. “Harsh words, even when intended to reprimand, may produce in young children feelings of shame, fear of actions, and so on,” says Esmaeilpour. “These videos highlight a one-shot moment of when discipline is done right, but it is always important for the parents to balance firmness with empathy.”She explains that excessive sternness may potentially harm the relationship between the parent and the child, as well as hampering their emotional development. What can be more effective is for parents to explain why certain behaviors are inappropriate and what the correct or expected behaviors are.“This helps children to get a more detailed sense of values such as respect, responsibility, and empathy,” she says. “When parents take time to explain the reasons behind rules and consequences, it allows internalization of these lessons easily for children to be able to take them forward into other spheres of life. This measure yields long-term behavioral change and thus substantiates the child's emotional and moral development.”The University of Rochester Medical Center also emphasizes disciplining children “with love.” It encourages parents to, "Speak firmly, but kindly. Don’t yell, blame, or call your child names to make them understand that you're not happy with their behavior. Use a firm tone, but stay in control. Be calm when you explain why you aren't happy with what they did.”And don’t rush to enforce a harsh punishment either. Instead, make consequences realistic, while keeping a child’s developmental stage in mind, and stick to them. “Young children may not be maturely developed in terms of giving them full dimensions of mature language and harsh discipline,” says Esmaeilpour. “It is a time that requires more guidance, patience, and age-appropriate explanation to understand their missteps and learn from them.” For more Parents news, make sure to sign up for our newsletter! Read the original article on Parents.
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