She Wants To Send Her Badly Behaved Foster Child Back, But She Feels So Guilty
This woman has spent the last four years being a foster parent to a boy named L, and he came to her with tons of trauma, as well as behavioral issues.
It was hard on her initially to have L in her home, but now he’s never leaving her. While L still has good days and bad, his bad days are lessening as time goes on.
A month ago, she took in another foster boy named A, and she was told that although he’s 10, he operates more on a 5 or 6-year-old level. The agency additionally said A was kind and gentle and he never had problems.
When she met A, she instantly knew she was being lied to. A is more like a 1 or 2-year-old developmentally, but when the social worker promised he was well-behaved, she took a chance on him.
Unfortunately, as soon as A came home, he began acting atrociously. He lashed out, melted down, bit her, hit her, and spit in her face.
“It is so much more intense than I expected,” she explained. “When my agency social worker came out to meet him, she was also shocked.”
“[She was] surprised by how he behaved and what he was like. She even had to admit it seemed like his social worker lied about him in the report they gave us.”
What she finds the toughest in all this is that A will not talk or play and has no personality or interest in interacting with her.
She can’t simply put a show on for him and have a quiet hour or so; A just misbehaves in a way that’s relentless.
23_stockphotography – stock.adobe.com – illustrative purposes only, not the actual child
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L has expressed to her that he dislikes A and wishes he never came to live with them. She has had previous foster children in her home that L adored, but A’s behavior makes it impossible for L to be happy at home.
Her nephews recently came to visit and voiced their opinions to her: that A is obnoxious. While she chastised them for saying negative things about the little boy, inside, she knew they were right, and she couldn’t help but agree with them. That’s leaving her feeling awfully guilty.
“With L, he had similar behaviors at first, but there was a let-up,” she said. “You could put on a movie and talk about things with him. He had a personality that you grew to like and then love. With A, I just can’t see it being the same. He has no personality; he has no interests or likes. I dread coming down to see him each morning.”
“It’s always just “I want…,” “I want…” This is literally all he says…he just says the words “I want” over and over again. He asks to go to the park, I take him to the park, he doesn’t want to be here, he wants to read a book, I read a book, he isn’t interested. He wants to play in the sand, I get the sand out, he doesn’t even look at it. Everything is a battle with him.”
Not only is she in a daily struggle with A, she’s struggling with how his social worker is refusing to make anything easier on her.
She wants to send A back to the agency and terminate his placement with her, but she is wracked with guilt over wanting to do this.
What advice do you have for her?
You can read the original post on Reddit here.
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