I accidentally booked into a SEX hotel... here is what it was like
By JORDANA SEAL
When your company send you abroad for a job it's hard not to envision yourself as one of those fabulous women sauntering through the airport in a tailor-made suit.
And when I was told I was being sent to Madrid I was over the moon.
In anticipation, I concocted a plan for my first night: check-in and walk into the local town for a glass of sangria.
So when the taxi driver confirmed the name of my hotel three times and I got dropped off on the side of the Spanish highway at a steel gate you can imagine my disappointment.
Nevertheless, in a state of delusion that could only have been brought on by the Spanish sunshine I was confident my hotel would look just like the pictures and there would be a lovely outdoor spot for me to sit and read my book before bed.
I don't think the hotel had ever had a visitor arrive by foot and so I was forced to stand in between two cars and queue for the 'reception'.
I was given some very funny looks by glammed up women and meek looking men behind the wheel - I assumed it was because I was a clueless Brit standing in a queue of cars - but just be sure while I was waiting, I thought why not check the reviews.
'If a discrete and a non-intrusive hotel is what you are looking for, this is the place. An "Adults Only" establishment' one read
'Perfect for a romantic getaway' added another.
Pictured: The mirror directly above the bed - the room was covered in mirrors
Pictured: An array of 'spicy' menus available in the hotel room -they were scattered on the side table along with branded ash trays
Pictured: Inside the 'spicy' menu was an immense assortment of condoms, glow in the dark vibrators and handcuffs
Pictured: The entrance to the individual garages, which each led up to a bedroom
My first thought was to panic, frantically looking for nearby hotels on my phone, but then it was my go to speak to the receptionist through a screen and as she handing me my key card I thought how bad can this really be?
Instead of walking to a hotel entrance I was confronted by a row of numbered garage doors - with number 123 open and ready for me to enter.
I walked in and the barrier rattled down, leaving me in the dark, luckily I grabbed onto a rusted spiral staircase and climbed up to my room.
After an initial inspection of the bathroom, which seemed clean enough I thought why not just lock the doors and firm staying here for the night.
The room was scattered with branded ash trays and gave off the faint stench of sweat and cigarettes but once I blasted on the aircon it seemed good to go.
A perk of this 'adults only' room was the King sized bed and as I lay down to inspect its comfort levels, I found myself staring at my own reflection, I sat back up and there I was again... the room was covered in mirrors.
Slightly freaked out I switched the lights on as the small blacked out window wasn't providing much natural lighting but the minute I flicked the switch the whole room turned blue.
While this might have been enough to encourage someone to check out, the blue LED light was actually the feature that encouraged me to stay, because it would have illuminated any unseemly stains on the mattress and there were none!
Pictured: My dinner of salmon and potatoes which was delivered via a cupboard in the bedroom
Pictured: The secret compartment in the bedroom that is used to deliver items off the 'spicy' menu
Pictured: The garage entrance - instead of walking to a hotel entrance I was confronted by a row of numbered garage doors
Trying to stick to my original plan I decided to order room service. There was an array of menus littered around the room and so I grabbed the first one I saw.
I opened it up and inside was an immense assortment of condoms, glow in the dark vibrators and handcuffs.
Unfortunately, I didn't fancy eating flavoured lube for dinner and I was able to locate a menu.
20 minutes later I heard a knock on a cupboard I opened it up and inside was a tray with my dinner on, and while many people would argue that salmon was a rogue choice, it was surprisingly good.
After a bit of Netflix and a high pressure shower I fell asleep and because the rooms were fantastically sound-proofed I woke up in the morning feeling refreshed.
Now would I recommend staying here? Absolutely not. But one thing I've learned is to always give something a go!
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