7 Ways To Deal With Mean Parents
Mean moms, dads, and other caregivers who bully exist in many circles, but you do not have to be a victim. Discover the ways you can stand up to them.Medically reviewed by Emily Edlynn, PhDMedically reviewed by Emily Edlynn, PhDBullying doesn't always end in childhood. As parents, we sometimes encounter other parents that have mean tendencies towards other adults and it can be challenging to navigate.Maybe you've encountered a parent who blasts people on their Facebook page, gossips about their neighbors, or makes thinly veiled remarks about other parents that do not live up to their standards. They may even criticize another parent right to their face, reprimanding them for everything from breastfeeding to volunteering.Here's how to best handle mean parents including the most effective ways to respond.
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Why Do Adults Bully?Adults who bully others do so for the same reasons that teens bully others. They want power, especially social power. And they often use relational aggression as their weapon of choice. This covert type of bullying is both subtle and hurtful—and it's effective.This power makes them feel strong and in control. Meanwhile, the victims are left wondering what just happened.
Sometimes It's Just JealousySome mean adults are motived by jealousy and envy. They turn green every time someone else's child gets an award or recognition that their child didn't. Or, they covet the relationship another parent has with a principal, teacher, or coach. This jealousy then leads them to try to bring down others.
How To Respond to a Mean Parent as an AdultWhen you're an adult on the receiving end of a mean parent's attacks, it is easy to start doubting yourself. Your self-esteem may suffer, and you may feel alone, isolated, or embarrassed. These consequences are especially painful if you once considered the bully a friend. But you owe it to yourself, and to your kids, to stand up to the bullying. Even though doing so is not always easy, it can be done.Here are some ways to deal with the mean parents you encounter:1. Realize it isn't really about youYou are not the one with the problem. They are. So, don't blame yourself for being bullied. Most likely, the bullying comes from a place of insecurity. Maybe they feel threatened by you or your child in some way. Maybe they are jealous of your success, your house, or your marriage. Who knows? The key is not to take the bullying to heart.2. Remain calmIf at all possible, do not argue with a mean mom, dad, or caregiver. Getting emotional, upset, or even angry only makes the bullying worse, especially if the bullying is online.Remember, they may make the choice to bully, but you have a choice in how you respond. When you remain calm in the face of bullying, you are taking away their power. Conversely, if you allow them to get under your skin, they will feel more powerful and in control. Bullies want to get a reaction. Be sure you refuse to give them one.3. Call them outMeet with the mean parent privately and let them know you're not going to put up with their insults. Be assertive, but also be respectful. You need to set some boundaries, but you should be polite in doing so. Be prepared for them to respond negatively. They may just roll their eyes at you and deflect responsibility for the bullying. At the very least, it might make them question whether or not it's worth it to attack you. Bullies count on victims remaining silent. Disappoint them by speaking up.4. Pick your battlesSometimes it is just easier to ignore a mean parent's pettiness. If you try to engage with everything they do, you will become exhausted. Make sure a situation is worth the effort before you step in. Many times, when parents who bully are left to their own devices, they self-destruct. Eventually, people will see through a mean parent's conniving and manipulating—and they will have less impact over time.5. Give up on seeing changeFor a bully to change, they have to be able to recognize that what they did is wrong and hurtful. Unfortunately, most bullies feel entitled to treat others the way that they do. What's more, they are often lacking in empathy and emotional intelligence. They are not able to see the impact their words and actions have on others. It is much better for you to focus on things you have control over than it is to try to get them to change.6. Own your parenting styleThere are a lot of opinions out there on what constitutes a good parent. But at the end of the day, it doesn't matter what others think you should be doing. Instead, focus on what works for you, your children, and your family.7. Cultivate new parent friendsKeep in mind that organized groups and activities, like playgroups and PTA meetings, create forced friendships. In other words, the people in these groups are together because of the group and not necessarily because they are looking for friends. What's more, they also can be a breeding ground for cliques.Look for ways to develop healthy friendships with other parents. Sometimes this begins with you reaching out and making plans with other parents you have just met. And as hard as it may be, keep in mind that someone has to take the first step. For more Parents news, make sure to sign up for our newsletter! Read the original article on Parents.
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