Dating expert reveals the six ‘innocent’ questions that are guaranteed to get you ghosted
By Elizabeth Karpen
Brother of Real Housewives star fatally shot by police
Say this on a first date — and you might be dumped before dessert.
Dating is hard enough, between choosing the perfect outfit, finding the least creepy stranger from an app, and praying that they look like their profile pic.
But sometimes it’s not you are or what you’re wearing that’ll turn your date off — it’s what you say. According to sex and relationship expert Alexa Johnston, some seemingly innocent questions are actually kiss-of-death conversation starters.
Girl leaning away from a man attempting a kiss in a park, symbolizing a unsuccessful date in the friend zone
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Invasive questions on a first date may lead to being ghosted.
Prostock-studio – stock.adobe.com
Her advice? Skip the overshares, trauma dumps, and “What are we?” interrogations — at least until you get your appetizer.
“First dates are already nerve-wracking enough without accidentally stepping on conversational landmines,” she told The Sun. “What people frequently don’t realize is that certain questions, no matter how innocent they might seem to you, can instantly send your date running for the exit.”
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Here are the six questions that’ll get you ghosted faster than you can say “check, please.”
1. “Why are you still single?”
While you may not expect it, this question is the ultimate backhanded compliment disguised. Ask this, and you’re basically asking, “So… what’s wrong with you?”
“This question immediately puts your date on the defensive,” Johnston said. “It suggests they need to justify their relationship status, as if being single is a problem that needs explaining,” adding that some people might feel like they’re under interrogation which will throw off the whole date.
Displeased young woman sitting with an overtalkative man in a restaurant during a failed first date
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Asking your date why they’re still single is a major faux pas.
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Instead, keep it light. Ask what they’re into — their hobbies, passions, favorite podcasts and movies — and try to avoid the emotional baggage until at least date two.
2. “Have you had any work done?”
Unless you’re their dermatologist or the casting team for “Botched,” don’t ask this.
You might be wondering if your date has had a little nip and tuck, but your curiosity will kill your chances at a second date.
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“This question puts your date in an awkward position where they either have to admit to cosmetic procedures or feel like you’re scrutinizing their appearance for ‘flaws,’” Johnston explained. “Either way, it makes them self-conscious at a time when you should be helping them feel comfortable and appreciated.”
Even if you think it’s a compliment, asking about appearance will put your date on the defensive and probably offend them as well. Instead, offer a kind word about their appearance: “You look great tonight” will do just fine.
3. “How much money do you make?”
Unless you’re on a date with their W-2, this question (and any others about their finances) is guaranteed to give your date the ick.
Bringing up someone’s bank account before you know their middle name is a one-way ticket to left on read. It screams gold digger. It’s not just nosy, it’s tacky.
“Asking about someone’s salary on a first date suggests you’re evaluating them based on their financial worth rather than their personality,” Johnson said. “It creates immediate discomfort and signals that you might be more interested in their bank account than who they are as a person.”
Instead of snooping on your beau’s salary, ask what they enjoy about their job or their field. Passion’s way hotter than a paycheck, and less likely to get you blocked.
4. “Do you think I’m hotter than your ex?”
Nothing will ruin the mood faster than bringing up an ex on the first date, especially if there’s a comparison involved. It’s awkward and practically begging for a side-by-side comparison you do not want.
Two people having an awkward first date at a restaurant
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Never bring up an ex on a first date, Johnston said.
Davide Angelini – stock.adobe.com
“This question is a triple threat — it shows insecurity, forces them to think about their ex during your date, and puts them in an impossible position. There’s literally no good answer to this question,” Johnston said. “Say yes, and they’re speaking ill of someone they once cared about. Say no, and they’ve just insulted you.”
Instead of digging through their romantic past, keep the conversation in the now or their goals for the future. Focus on you and them and don’t make their ex your first date’s third wheel.
5. “What’s your body count?”
Even if you’re dying to know, asking someone’s sexual history right out of the gate screams that you’re judgmental, insecure, and frankly, a creep.
“This question immediately changes the tone from getting to know someone to scrutinizing their past,” Johnston said. “It creates discomfort and suggests you’ll be judging them based on their answer. It can make people feel reduced to a number rather than seen as a complex individual.”
Skip the body count talk and focus on what will actually build a spark: your mutual interests and shared values — not an interrogation.
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Bringing up kids on the first date may scare off a potential partner.
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6. “How many kids do you want — and when can we get started?”
Yes, this is an important conversation… eventually. But busting out the baby talk on before you finished your entree? That’s how you turn flirty into fleeing.
Save the family planning for when you’ve actually planned a second or even a third date. There’s no use in discussing parenthood when you aren’t even dating this person yet. For now, stick to fun, flirty questions.
“This question signals you’re mentally fast-forwarding through dating straight to serious commitment,” she said. “It creates immense pressure and can make your date feel like they’re being interviewed for a parenting position rather than getting to know you naturally.”
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